the distance to here

my life, my rambling, my nonsense

Wednesday, August 31, 2005


I am kind of freaked out at the prospect of graduating this December. There is no doubt that I am excited about finishing my undergrad (grad school is a possibility...but it won't be happening for quite a while if I opt to do it), but...what the hell am I going to do with myself once I finish. I know that I don't want to jump directly into the work force (which will make my parents...well, most likely they'll be livid). I want to travel, live a little, before I get stuck in the job market. I don't even know if I still want to be a journalist. Thank god for the writing skills that come with this major, at least they will come in handy for other job prospects.

I am still on the hunt for a job to hold me over for the semester, no one has expressed any interest in hiring me yet. Guess I'll send out another 15 applications, seeing as I have sent out about 40 unanswered ones so far. Looking for a job is so depressing.

mood: conflicted
on the tv:
the day after tomorrow

Sunday, August 28, 2005

me and my tv...

...are going to spend some quality time together tonight. After I send out another slew of job applications, as the hunt is not going so well. No one has shown any interest in hiring me, it sucks.

Classes start a week from Tuesday...
I can't wait to graduate...
I want to go to New Orleans for my 22nd birthday...

I had a great time with Daniel last night and today.

mood: sleepy
on the tv: dodgeball


In New York, Manhattan, I can't think of anyone that I would call my close, personal, friend. Sad, isn't it?

Thursday, August 25, 2005


I can't believe it...I've actually stuck to my diet thus far. And I've lost a little over 4 pounds since I started on August 18th. This is definitely a first for me. Usually, one day into my diet I've given up and have gorged on chocolate. No chocolate this time. And interestingly enough, I haven't even craved it. Cookies on the other hand...I have been having cookie cravings (I am of course the cookie monster) but I have persevered and have not broken down. The only sweets I've gone for have been soy yogurt, apples, dried peaches and honey nut clusters cereal...and all of those things are good for me. I must say, I am pretty damn proud of myself.

mood: satisfied
on the tv: bad boys 2

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

the job hunt

Alright, so I've sent out my resume and applications to about 15 places in the past 2 days, please let at least ONE of them be interested in hiring me. Manhattan is too expensive to be unemployed.

mood: bored
on the tv: the simpsons

Monday, August 22, 2005

more wyoming pictures

Daniel & I at my best friend, Adrienne's, wedding.
Wyoming sunset.
The Village. Best.Snowboarding.Ever.
Myself, my dad & my little sister Kayla.

Home sweet home.

mood: full of sushi/super lazy
on the tv: orange county

Saturday, August 20, 2005

wyoming photos

Daniel took tons of amazing pictures while we were on vacation last week. It's incredible what type of quality he gets from that small camera of his. Digital Elph...the way to go. I have one too, but in comparison mine is enormous. I get it six months before he does and his is less than half the size of mine. So jealous. :)

The first beautiful horse is my baby Brownie. The second is the baby, Chex, she's only 3 years old.

That handsome fellow is my cat, Trouble.

And that looker is Mister Fud (as in Elmer Fudrucker)

I'll post more pictures tomorrow.

the sweetest thing

I had the best talk with Daniel last night, well actually it was around 6:30 this morning when he got home from work, but regardless of the time, I've been smiling and glowing ever since.

I'm off for my morning walk, think I'll head over to the park again today. My diet is going well for the first few days, I hope I can keep it up.

mood: estactic
on the iPod: dirty little secret - all american rejects

Friday, August 19, 2005

total 180

This morning I was stressed out and upset and depressed. Now I feel great. What the hell? Not that I am complaining about feeling better but I just can't stand the ridiculous flip. This is when I hate having a limited psychological base of knowledge, all I can think of are things like bipolar, manic and fucking insane. I'm going to make myself some crab and tomato, maybe an egg, some avocado, possibly an english muffin. Then I'll watch a movie and make an early night of it.

mood: chill
on the tv: starsky and hutch


I think New York does something to me, something negative. That's not to say that I don't love this city, because I do, but I just don't feel quite right here. I get irritated easily, I get depressed easier, I feel lonely (which is totally ridiculous because I have the most wonderful and loving boyfriend I could ever hope for) but sometimes I just here. What a catch-22, I love it but it messes with my head. I guess that's why I feel so much better on vacation.

Or maybe it's the fact that vacations are designed to make you more at ease. So where does that leave me? Destined to always feel out of it whenever I'm not on a vacation? Maybe once we leave NY I'll feel better. But it could be anywhere between 5 and 9 months before I get out of here. And classes are starting in less than 2 weeks, so there's some more added stress to my life. But really, it should be the only stress because what the hell else do I have going on that should be stressful? And all I want to do is go for a damn walk, but it's pouring outside so I'm stuck in here. I just need to clear my head. Maybe that's the problem with vacation, you can forget all your troubles, but when you get back, they all come back with more force than they had before.

mood: frustrated
on the tv: shrek 2


tonight had been awesome, it had been going really well. then i (of course) fucked that all up. i suck. said and done. all that happened/happens...definitely my fault.

Thursday, August 18, 2005

the next 2 weeks

Time for the detox. No red meat. No pork. No chocolate. No cookies. No cake. I need to kick off some pounds, and this is the way to go. Good food and exercise. It has to be done.

back in the big bad city

While there will be a more detailed post to follow, I just wanted to announce that Daniel and I had a fabulous vacation in Jackson Hole. Pictures to come soon. (Once I watch some more Alias of course). Also, my workout and diet regimen started this morning, expect updates. Thank god Daniel is in on this with me or it could be hell...true hell.

mood: relaxed
on the iPod: canned heat - jamiroquai

Monday, August 08, 2005

going on vacation

Daniel and I leave early tomorrow morning for our 8 day trip to Jackson to visit my friends and family. We'll be back in the city on the 17th. I think the both of us really need this vacation, it's been pretty stressful here in NYC and we just need to get away. I see a week of beer drinking, sitting in the backyard and eating some serious Wyoming style food. And that's about it. And that's all I want to do. Just relax...

mood: busy
on the tv: the food network

Sunday, August 07, 2005

miss you guys

I just found out today that this guy I used to party with in high school, Kenny, died in a drunk driving accident 2 weeks ago. I also found out that my friend Cody died two days ago in a drunk driving accident...he was 17. Another friend of mine, Tyler, was in the car and is now in critical condition at the hospital, and the outlook is bleak at best. And the last piece of news I got today was that a good friend of mine, Taber, tried to kill himself a week ago and is now in a rehab center in Casper. It's all still settling in, I guess the shock will last for a bit before the grief and sadness sets in. Cody's funeral will probably take place when Daniel and I go to Wyoming on Tuesday. A wedding to attend, and possibly a funeral. This fucking sucks.

Thursday, August 04, 2005


Why is it that when people get drunk they want to discuss complex topics, like our education system. Why can't we just bitch about our day or talk about beer? No, instead they want to get into a thoughtful, insightful and semi-inspirational (and totally inebriated) conversation about the state of New York public schools or the college drop out rate at the Ivies? It's no wonder I have a hangover today. Not only did I drink 5 pints, I also had to dissect the benefits of charter school lotteries with some guy I've never met before. Wow...I'm truly anti-social.

mood: drained
song of the day: porcelain - thursday

Wednesday, August 03, 2005

tee hee

I had no idea they had a website...well, I'm off to the bar home and slightly intoxicated later. Things to talk about...

Tuesday, August 02, 2005

unemployment.... so boring! It was nice not having to work for about the first week, now I'm just bored out of my mind. I watch so much Food Network I should look for a job in a kitchen somewhere. But once Daniel and I get back from Wyoming on the 19th the job hunt will begin. Hopefully it will be easier this time because I'm not looking for something office related or something for credit, or even related to my major. I just need something where I can make enough money to survive in Manhattan (which is way more than I should have to make) and will work with my class schedule. So it looks like I'll be working nights and weekends. No problems there.

on the tv: alton brown's good eats (all about eggs baby)